Let me just tell you, I never knew what it was like to feel so vulnerable in my life to feel as if I could loose something completely and still at the end of the day be blessed with the one special gift, and this gift I speak of is my little angel...since the day that I found out I was pregnant I never believed that I would raise her, I always felt as though I didnt deserve it, I wasnt ready, I wouldnt be able to know what to do....and throughout the whole pregnancy, the uphill climb it has been, I have learned what it was like to hit rock bottom and move my way up..and in that process of moving up, I have been tested more often then not. Tested that I would talk with my heavenly father when everything felt as though I didnt deserve it..to be specific with him, to allow him to keep his promise in telling me that all my wildest dreams would come true...he has taught me that more often then not that I AM being heard from a loving heavenly father...and with all the priesthood blessings and keeping calm enough to talk with my heavenly father to hear him...I have learned thee most valuable lessons that the things I never thought I would understand, I do. It is almost as if it comes so natural to me. I love that the Lord puts so much trust in me to raise such a beautiful daughter and to allow him to remind me OFTEN that I am beautiful, he is giving me things to remind me that I got this.. that it would be a forever kind of change that he was giving me and I would never again have to question what that was..I simply just had to look to my children, or more or less my daughter and in her I will/would find my answers to life because they were Gods gift to me when I feel like I just didnt understand...it was gift that I did deserve great things, I did deserve joy, I deserved to smile at the end of everyday no matter how I lived it, I deserved things that didnt always seem like I did. I deserved to have every vaid be filled...I deserved these things not because I was a favorite in Gods life, or because of the way I was..it was just simply a step forward into permanent progression.. I know that I have had to sit back at times and just trust the peace I feel..to allow experiences to just happen...I have had the chance to learn something great as well, and that was that, even when I dont know the outcome or 'WHY'....I have a much better experience then trying to force what isnt.
I now have the chance to thank the Lord that he knew what he was doing when he gave me a daughter, simply because every time I think that she would be taken away from me...I am always reminded of her grace, to have hope, to believe and most of all to always trust in a God who will give me what I have earned.
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