If I were the one telling you anything about me, I would tell you how stubborn I am, how I fight for everything that I believe in...and I sure hate the word NO. With a world that always surrounds us with emotions, with struggles and challenges that face us on an everyday basis. I am slowly learning the value in appreciating the simple things that come together, the things that matter, the things that I am able to do and not what take away from me. So often it is easy for me to get caught up in all the things that are going wrong and I can feel the things that are going wrong. Specially when it easy to get caught up the mindset that other women around me who are pregnant are able to pay for themselves, the things that they want and need. It is easy for me to get caught up in what is going wrong, I find it easy to get caught up in the emotions of not always knowing what will come next..something about surprises and lack of control scares me, cause I have to let something else lead my life..causes me to put trust in the future. It causes me to turn to family and not always knowing the reaction I will find from them, they have always promised me that they would be there for me and guide me...but it makes me feel vulnerable and scared, I have to look at things a little more hopeful, more positive, and set an example and watch how I react...yet it has taught me to smile more often at what annoys me, I have learned to talk with my baby girl whenever I am going through anything. We have learned to play this new game where I tap on my belly and she will kick back and as we go back and forth...as i learn to talk with her and tell her how beautiful she is, tell her I cant wait to meet her. She will roll and play in my belly like she is just excited as I am.
I know that my situation seems as though I can bare it well and that nothing will seem to go wrong unless I allow it too....but when there are mornings when I wake up and feel like I am failure, that I feel like my little girl deserves a daddy to come home too, that I want someone who will provide for us and take care of us, I have wanted someone who will take away my loneliness and teach me how to be a better person..but you know in all these emotions I feel like it would be so easy to find. I remember that this isnt about finding someone...but you know thru all these emotions I have been reminded thru this whole pregnancy that God must know something that I dont... he knows that I have been prepared longer for this then I realize and that there are people all around me that have it worse then I do and sometimes it just takes me sitting back and being grateful for the simple thought that I am pregnant and I can carry life, it has taught me to smile that baby girl has the little things she needs to be taken care of...that losing 2 jobs, 3 to 4 doctor appointments a week doesnt dictate who I am as a pregnant woman, if anything it refines my story into unique things. Dont forget that the simple things are the things that will remind you to smile.
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